To bathe or not to bathe

  As a mother there are certain vows you make to your children. You vow never to hurt them, or scare them, you vow to keep the healthy and happy. What if one of the things that makes them health also scares and hurts them?
   What do you do then? Every time I bathe Cullen he acts like I am pouring acid all over him. It was not always like this, he used to like to take a bath. When he was around one the mention of bubble bath would send him into a fit of happy giggles. There were several instances where I forgot to drain the tub and I would find him happily splashing around fully clothed.
   Thee change did not occur until we moved from to our new house when he was three. I do not know if it is because of the big change we had just made or the signs of his autism was becoming more pronounced. But it was around this period of time where more and more little fears of his started appearing.
   Cullen has a memory like an elephant and once he discovers something he either likes or dislikes he will remember it. He remembers that if we turn on the road near the church and the gas station he his likely going to the Dr. And will whine and cry the moment we turn down it. He remembers that Jarrets sells  doughnuts and apples and if we pull into the parking lot he asks hopefully "apple? Yoh-nut?"
  Lord knows what happened to make him think of the tub in such vengeful terms.Maybe just once the water was hotter than his liking,  Or maybe he got soap in his eye, or hurt himself on a bath toy. Whatever it is that set it him off the tub it appears the relationship between him and bath time is irrevocable. It would be so much easier if he could just tell me why it scares him so much. If he could just tell me "Mommy the waters to hot!" Or "I do not like that soap!" But he can not he can not. I would give anything in the world just to communicate with him. To ask him a question and have him answer me. I want so badly to fix it to make him not scared anymore but I just do not know what to do.
  I have tried several approaches, first I tried a big frothy bubble bath filled with his favorite toys. He was very excited at first and said "bubble bath! Bubble bath!" Yet when when I put him in the tub he screamed and cried and practically pulled me in the tub with him in his mad scramble to get out. So after several attempts with the same results I decided that it was a waste of water and bubble bath. So then I heard that maybe the bubbles and toys were just to much stimulation for him and tried a very tepid bath devoid of toys and bubbles but it yielded much the same results he would not sit down and I had to grab a cup of water and dump it over his head and hold him down to get any washing done. Holding him into tbe tub just makes me feel awful! Like I am a physically and mentally abusive mother but if I do not restrain him he will not get clean and lwting him walk around filthy is not any better.
   The cup dumping incident gave me the idea that I could shower him and it might be quicker an easier. So most nights I just try to get him to stand in the shower for as long as possible while I at least wash his hair. While I do this he grabs on my shirt and screams bloody murder but it is quicker. In the summer as sometimes I grab the hose and shampoo and try to hose him down outside.

   It just hurts me so much to see him in pain and crying, to him it really could feel like I am dousing him in acid. So I admit that sometimes I skip a few baths. It is just the the experience usually leaves both of us in tears, emotionally exhausted and very wet.